I can't believe three days have passed since you left us. Time has stopped for me, frozen to that single second I looked into your eyes and watched you take your last breath. In that second I saw our life together, every beautiful minute that we were together. I remembered you as a puppy, the day my Dad and I picked you up. It was family tradition, my Dad and I picked out all the dogs we had. You were a Christmas gift from my parents. You were from a large litter, 13 puppies if I remember right. I'd pick up each puppy and lay them on their back, and play with them on the ground, just to see what personality each one had. I picked you up and looked in your eyes and I saw the world.
You were so sure of yourself as a puppy, and so independent. You were housebroken on the first try, but you failed obedience 3 times, dear Sam. You were so unruly that the instructor asked us to never come back. After that I never asked you to be obedient, I just asked you to be my friend, and you were so happy to comply. Everything we did was just because it made us happy to be with each other. You learned to pick things up and bring them to me - my wallet, other peoples wallets, and once a rabbit you caught in the yard. I still remember the puzzled look in your eyes when you set him down at my feet and he took off. You passed your CGC test without trying, with you as a senior we started agility, and then finally, you became a therapy dog. All without knowing how to behave, and doing all just because you loved to make me happy.
I tried to make a list of all the major things you got me through. You've been there for so many changes in my life: losing my Dad, then my job shortly after, starting a new job, meeting and marrying Aaron, losing darling Cisco... the list goes on. The worst part? I need you now Sam - I'm hurting so bad and this one time you aren't here. I know you wouldn't have left if you had a choice - you never ever left me.
Everybody who ever met you commented on what a special boy you were. You thought you were human most days. You wanted very little to do with dogs, but were very happy sitting with us and watching other pups play. You had a way of making people feel special, you'd lean against them and smile and they couldn't help but smile back. It was hard to miss how different you were - you didn't like to sit on prickly grass, you'd sit on my shoe instead. Or, if I was sitting on the grass, you'd sit in my lap.
I still smile when I remember the first time you saw yourself in a mirror. You could not believe how good looking you were. You would have stayed there all day looking at yourself. That was also one of the two times I got to bring you into the office. You were always so hopeful I could bring you back.
Sam, above all, please know I love you, and will never stop loving you.